A Message to the Penn Community: ‘Just Checking In and Saying Hey!'

Dear Penn Undergraduates,

Hey guys, what’s up? It’s me, your President. No, not that one. But yeah, I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve just chatted. 

I guess I’ll give you a quick update on my life first. I’m doing great—better than ever after that Campus Conversation we had a few months ago. Isn’t it crazy how one hour-long conversation can fix all current and future problems we face on campus? Nuts.

Enough about me though, what’s new with you? Attend any cool registered parties lately? Improve your social status by landing a bid at a top sorority or fraternity? Haha, #MixerSzn! Are hashtags still cool?

Did you get in to all the classes you need for graduation? Get a good job in a major U.S. city for this summer yet? Maybe? No? Hope that sorts itself out soon—yikes!

How are your parents doing? Are they prepared for the next tuition hike? They better be: L.M.A.O.!

Oh, and did you ever get lunch with that girl you met that one night during NSO whose name you pretend to know every time you run into her on Locust?

Anyway, below are some helpful resources to keep you going until our next correspondence:

MERT: 215-573-3333

Greek Lady: 215-382-2600

Keep me updated—you know how I hate to be out of the loop.