OP-ED: I Carry Dante’s Inferno Around With Me at All Times so Everyone Knows I’m an Intellectual

“Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate”

Yeah, that’s right. That’s the text on the gates of hell from Dante’s Inferno. It's in Italian. Yeah, I also recite the opening lines of the Inferno in Italian whenever I meet new people, just to make sure they know that I know.

“Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita / mi ritrovai per una selva oscura / ché la diritta via era smarrita.”

You can Google that if you want to know what it means. Not only do I know these lines in Italian, but I’ve read all of the Divine Comedy, twice. That’s right. The whole thing. I know most of you probably didn't even know there were other parts to Dante’s masterpiece. I only carry the Inferno around with me, because carrying the whole Comedy would probably be obnoxious and heavy, so I stick to the basics. I want to be subtle.

I hold it in my hand when I go to my professors' office hours. I watch their gaze drift to the red cover, the bold title: Dante’s Inferno. That's when they know they’re meeting with someone serious about her education. I try to be humble about it though. I just want them to know.

When I take instagram pictures of my table at coffee shops, including my ornate latte art and my signature stationary, I make sure the Inferno is always in the frame, so that my followers know it’s never far from my mind. I don’t even refer to the commentary anymore because I know it by heart. But I would never brag about something like that.

It can be difficult, always carrying Dante around with me. People ask me about it and I have to explain to their little brains that yes, I’ve read it—yes, all of it—and yes, I can talk to you about medieval astrology, reference the appropriate verses from the gospel, and name every single character in all three canticles (each part is called a "canticle," by the way). Oh, and there are over 500 characters across the three. No big deal.

Although I’m smart, humility is my best quality, and I make sure to keep this whole thing casual. That’s why I’m sure Dante would have written me in right next to God if only we could’ve met. His loss.