BREAKING: Penn Administration Releases Confidential Memo, No One Reads It

In a stunning turn of events last week, the Penn Administration went against expert advice and released a confidential memo to the public. The contents of the memo included rare, never-before-seen information. Before the memo was released, no one outside of the Penn administration knew what it contained. Now, everyone is free to read the memo and all of the juicy details inside.

Under the Button reporters interviewed several students about their reactions to the memo, and we found a general consensus in opinion. Here are some people’s thoughts:

“What memo?” asked anonymous freshman Caleb Swartsky.

“Are you sure you don’t mean Nemo? Like Finding Nemo? Little orange fish, messed up fin on the left side, responds to ‘Nemo’,” asked a random girl on the street who overheard our question.

“Yeah, I didn’t read that. I honestly just don’t really care,” sophomore Alexa Fernandez told us, on the record.

“Go Eagles!” said another random dude who we accidentally made eye contact with.

So there you have it. The wide uproar expected after the memo was released has instead been replaced by overwhelming apathy. Let’s be honest: Penn students have bigger things to think about.