Professor Forgets to Make Students Sit One Seat Apart During Exam, Class Average Still 47%

Physics 150 students were elated Monday to find the proctor not enforcing the official class policy that seats during exams must be staggered. “Usually there’s at least some exam A and B bullshit, but this was the real deal,” gushed Tom Clark (C ’22). “I was taking the exact same exam as the guy next to me! And this guy was super nerdy. We’re talking thick-framed glasses and color-coded notes. I knew I had a shot for a good grade this time.” 

The excitement did not last through the exam. Students expressed that they quickly felt nervous about the test, as they were unable to read neighbors’ shitty handwriting and had come to the realization that everyone else in the room was equally as clueless about the material. When class met again Wednesday, this suspicion was confirmed by a big fat “47%” written on the chalkboard.

“I guess you can’t even profile based on glasses anymore,” reflects Clark. “My fault for not recognizing that they were Warby Parkers.”