OP-ED: I’m the Penn Quaker and I Speak for Benjamin Franklin: Please Stop Sexualizing Our Founding Father

In the immortal words of Future: “Fuck it, mask off.” 

I’m the Fighting Quaker, and I’m finally using my position of power to fight something more important than bulldogs or tigers: the sexualization of Ben Franklin, which runs rampant on our campus.

During my four years at Penn, I’ve had the unique opportunity to see our institution’s questionable sports culture from the other side of the mask. It’s bad enough that no one seems to care that my presence at games is to support the Quakers. It's worse that no one comes to the game except as an excuse to day drink. And it's by far the worst that I can’t get through a game without being asked to pose in lewd positions with intoxicated, hormone-riddled “fans” who don’t consider that there’s a man behind the mask. 

My experience, however scarring to me personally, is not why I am writing. I hope to serve as Mr. Franklin’s voice and reinstate for him a legacy of honor—not as a sex symbol.

Was it not our founding father Ben who said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise?” Why, then, have I received on three separate occasions, texts past one in the morning beckoning me “electrify” some harlot with my “lightning rod.” Why have I seen mockeries of the iconic "Join or Die" cartoon that are just several phalluses laid end-to-end? As our founder cannot speak for himself, I believe, humbly, that I represent his voice in saying:

Stop pissing on me.

Stop soliciting me for heinous acts.

I am your Founding Father, not your “Founding Daddy.”