Scam of the Year: FBI Dude in Your Webcam Has Been Going to Classes With You for Free While You Pay $72,000/Year

What’s up, my dude?

I bet you’re pretty pissed that Penn increased tuition for the sole purpose of building more tampon sculptures last year. And that as part of its student equality initiative, all students are now paying full tuition.

Well, have I got worse news for you!

You’re not paying to send just yourself to Penn, but you're also paying for that little guy that watches everything you do through your webcam. No, this is not a weird Black Mirror episode, but there’s really some dude at the FBI that sits there and sees your every move.

He can see me typing this right now, too. Hey, Johnny!

So while you will owe hundreds of thousands of dollars by the end of your 4 years here, that little guy will be learning everything you learn too, from ECON001 to your honors thesis. He’ll probably even be more employable than you. Doesn’t that make you feel a hundred times better about your Penn diploma?

And before you ask yourself, “Can’t I just cover my webcam and be fine?” The answer is nope. He’s in your phone camera, too. Try asking him for advice about what your best friend should do when she finds out her boyfriend’s cheating on her, but you don’t need to bother to tell him the details. He already knows them.