Senior Mistakes Feb Club for Febrile Club, Induces Fever

Today marks the start of Feb Club, a month of events for seniors only. For Chris Peterson (C ’18), this meant the beginning of a 28-day journey surrounding fever-induced hallucinations, Tylenol, and unhelpful advice from SHS.

According to his friends, Peterson spent the past four years thinking Feb Club stood for Febrile Club, a time when everyone in the senior class bonds by giving themselves fevers.

“What a great way to get to know your classmates before the college experience ends!” said Peterson. “I know I’ll look back on the time we all moaned about our muscle aches and chronic dehydration and remember how we did it together. Let’s go Class of 2018!”

Peterson claimed Feb Club also provided him with a smooth icebreaker he could use to meet other kids his year. “For four years, I’ve been too nervous to talk to that girl in my Bio 215 class. Now, I can go up to her and ask what her temperature is today, or remind her not to drink fluids so that her fever can persist,” said the senior. 

At press time, Peterson could be found laying in bed and texting his mom asking for a care package from home. “I’m just getting prepared for what’s ahead. It’s a good thing Feb Club is only for second semester seniors—only checked out fourth years could take 28 days off from class.”