Straight-A Student Fumbles on Final Exam

Everyone knows that Tom Bradley (W '18) is a great student. He has 4.0 GPA, he's been a member of the Dean's List in 2002, 2004, 2005, 2015, and 2017, and he's also weirdly good at deflating footballs.

But this semester finished differently. Mere minutes before the semester ended, Bradley was sacked by a final exam, leading him to a crushing and unexpected academic defeat.

"I thought I had it... I could feel my final grade literally slipping through my fingers," said Bradley, who does not plan to return to Philadelphia for at least the next 14 years.

The rest of the Penn student body, however, was happy to hear of Bradley's failure. "I don't know anything about the context of the class Bradley was taking, I just know that I'm supposed to think that he's the worst," said Amy LeClerc (E '20). "....He is kinda hot though."

Reportedly, the top student in the class was just this kid that kinda looks like Napoleon Dynamite.