Student Who 'Doesn't Trust Venmo’ Stops Getting Invited to Hang Out

Pursuing a concentration in finance, Mark Sullivan (C ’18) must know what he is talking about when he says that funneling money through a virtual app is basically a money hostage-holding service. That’s why he doesn’t use Venmo. “I would never give in to the fad,” Sullivan has been heard saying on more than one occasion. "My values and beliefs are the most important thing to me—I put that on my Bain application, so you know it's true."

However, that doesn’t change the fact that now literally 90% of his friends have mysteriously stopped hanging out with him. “It must be due to midterm season,” he said shrugging, “We’re all really busy, you know.” However, two of Sullivan's closest friends both have been seen at Smokes’ on Wednesday nights for the past three weeks despite their many midterms.

“He’s just too much to deal with,” said Sullivan's friend, Connor Ling (C ’18). “He awkwardly hands me cash for every dinner, and then I’m just left with bundles of money in my pocket that build up over time.” Ling stated that he often forgets to empty his pockets and had almost $350 sitting inside. “It’s kind of a nice surprise, I guess,” he admitted, “because I now have enough money to pay my dues.”

UPDATE: It’s been over a month since Sullivan has gone out with any friends and he finally realized why. “When I see my friends they always seem to ask me if I have Venmo yet. I’m starting to get the hint.” In order to save his friendships and his senior year, Sullivan finally downloaded the app. “To be honest, it’s a lot more convenient. And you know what the best part is? My Venmo captions always get a ton of likes.”