Sophomore Excited to Spend $1200 to Be Drunk and Covered in Sand

Just when he thought college life couldn’t get any better, Harold Green (W ’20) was enlightened to the opportunity of a lifetime: travel to a foreign country, spend a week getting drunk on cheap alcohol surrounded by equally-drunk college students, and also be covered in sand from head to toe. Only for the low cost of twelve-hundred dollars.

“I couldn’t believe that it only cost my parents two iPhones for me to go,” said Green, folding one of his seven Hawaiian shirts from Target. “Usually, I’m just getting drunk on weekends. But now you’re telling me I can have abrasive sand in every crease in my body while doing so? Count me in!”

Every year, thousands of college students flock to tropical destinations for spring break for the exclusive purpose of adding being covered in sand to their already frequent drinking. A representative from Mexico’s Tourism department commented that the country imports countless tons of sand to account for the demand.

“It’s staggering, really,” the representative said. “We have incredible destinations: Mayan ruins, ecological preserves, anthropological museums…but everyone is just like, ‘We want sand! We want sand!’ So we give the people what they want.”

Green has already booked the same trip for next year. “They give you extra sand if you book early,” he said.