Awkward! 32 Sorority Sisters Came Downstairs Wearing Same All-Black Outfit

There was chaos in the Alpha Sigma Sigma (ΑΣΣ) house last Saturday night. As the sisters got ready for a night downtown full of selfies and tequila shots, compliments were flying. One sorority member, Ashlyn Craig (C ‘19), recalls telling her big, Rachel Goldberg (C ’18), “Oh my god, Rachel, your ass looks so good in that dress. Ugh! Can I just be you already?”

This was nothing out of the ordinary in the ΑΣΣ house. Another member, Carolyn Weinman (N ‘20), recalls that the girls were trying to boost their confidence before the big night out. “We always tell each other how good we look,” Carolyn explained. “I mean, we’re all members of Αlpha Sigma Sigma, and our mission is to uplift each other as women struggling to find our place in the world. So, yeah, I think it’s pretty empowering when I get to tell my sisters that they’re going to get so much dick tonight.”

However, all of the selfies, push-up bras, eyeliner, and feminist affirmations distracted the sisters from one major flaw: every single one of them was wearing a black, bodycon dress. They didn’t realize their mistake until they all came downstairs to take the first group photo of the night. They got the one sister who wasn’t going out—Sarah Andover (E ’19), obviously—to take it. Sarah asked Carolyn to move over a little to the right, but it was really Ashlyn who she was pointing at. After a lot of confusion, it became clear: Sarah couldn’t tell them apart.

We interviewed Sarah to get her side of the story. She told us that “Yeah, like, I know my sisters so well, but when thirty-two blonde girls all came downstairs wearing identical black dresses, it was kind of hard to differentiate them. I mean, it’s not my fault. I obviously know they’re all really different and have totally unique interests and talents. But in that moment, somehow, they all sort of... blurred together.” How embarrassing!

Sarah has since been terminated from the sorority. It is totally anti-feminist for someone to lump all women together. Ugh. Some people just don’t understand social justice.