5 Ways to Relax Over Spring Break Despite Having No Internship Offers and 3 Midterms Right After Break

1. Cry. You’ve probably already done this. It’s okay. Cry some more, eat some ice cream, and marathon "New Girl" on Netflix. Try to forget about the impending load of work that’ll hit you the Sunday before you come back to Penn.

2. Join Fossil Free Penn. What the fuck? Amy G, we’re still investing in the fossil fuel industry? We can do better. Anyways, what’s a better way to use your obnoxious amount of spare time over the summer than telling the Penn administration to develop ethical practices? Don’t get your hopes up, though. We’re already gentrifying the moon.

3. Contact your fellow frat bro’s dad who works at Bain. Okay, we all know how he got in here. He doesn’t even know the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber or that gender is a social construct. If his dad can donate $500,000 for his son to get in, he can definitely hook you up.

4. Marry a rich person. Think of it as insurance just in case you don’t get an internship next summer, or the next one, or the next one... Trust me. There’s plenty of fish in the (Wharton) sea.

5. Become a monk or something. If there’s just no hope for you this summer, maybe academia isn’t the right path for you. The great news is that if you become a monk, at least you won’t have to tell anyone that you didn’t get any internships!