OP-ED: Hey Dude, Please Like This Article and Tag Your Friends in the Comments

Hi reader, this article is totally NOT clickbait. As a publication dedicated to genuine journalism, we stand strongly against the type of titles that Buzzfeed and 16-year-old Youtubers use for their content. We don’t need to do that to get page views. We know you’re loyal and care.

You probably care so much about this article, in fact, that you’re willing to tag your friends in the comments so that they can care about this, too. If you’re feeling a bit ballsy, you might even share this article so that your grandpa and aunt and racist dude from your high school can see it.

And, of course, we’re always family-friendly here. You won’t find a single mention of masturbating, the word “fuck,” or sex. And I’m not just throwing in random links here so that you’ll click on more of our articles to bump our page views. That’s pretty scummy for a serious publication, and I’d never do that. But please click on those links; it bumps up our page views which really helps us out.

Did I forget to mention that you should totally “like” this article, too? Thanks, dude. I hope you have a great day. I appreciate you reading this.

P.S. Please go to the UTB website and search for "Allen Zhu" and like all of my articles. I'm really trying to win Writer of the Year at the DP banquet next year. So help ya boy out.