OP-ED: Hey Round-Earthers, If The Earth Was Round The Whole World Would be Like 38th Street Bridge

Okay listen up, you circle-crazed buffoons. You ever been on 38th Street bridge? If you have, you’ve probably noticed that that shit ain't flat. It’s fucking slanted as all hell. The angle on that thing has gotta be like 70 degrees, minimum. 

I mean, seriously, it’s an ordeal walking over the thing. You’re probably winded by the time you get to the other side. You’d probably avoid going over that bridge altogether if you didn’t have your goddamn Circle Club meetings in Huntsman Hall. I don’t even blame you—walking over that bridge is a freaking nightmare.

So how would you feel if everywhere you walked felt like 38th Street bridge? Would you sons of bitches enjoy walking on that shit all the time? You clowns probably count walking up that bridge as your main source of exercise, other than running around in circles like the moronic circle-lovers you are.

It’s not that hard to understand that the Earth is flat, and 38th Street bridge is curved. If the Earth was curved, everywhere you walked would feel like walking on 38th Street bridge. So keep your frivolous circles to yourself and leave the science to the adults.