OP-ED: Why I Spent My Spring Break Binge Drinking With My Mom and You Should Too

The rest of you may have headed to Puerto Vallarta, a cruise on the Caribbean, or another exotic locale, but I’m not jealous. I was at home, getting wasted with my mom on a Tuesday night.

You may be wondering why this is an appealing spring break option, which tells me you’ve never met my mom. I would refer to Carol as a bad bitch, even though her suburban mom name wouldn’t let you know that at first glance. I wouldn’t call her a “party animal,” per say, but when I’m home and she feels the turbulence of her youth rushing away from her as she watches her daughter create a new life across the country and plan for a semester abroad, she drinks a lot and it gets pretty lit.

The other benefit is that I don’t need to drink wine from a bag in a frat basement so riddled with STDs that they’re become airborne. I can drink whatever I want, and I can drink in the comfort of my living room. I don’t even have to venmo her back for it. She’s cosigned onto my student loans, and I’m an English major, so she’s obviously fast and loose with her money. It’s also a relief to be able to drink myself sick without being disturbed by the bumping music or pelvises of the frat bros who circle around any female with a pulse. My mom likes to drink in silence, and the only background noise I have to tolerate is her sobbing. How cool is that?!

Finally, the best part is that when my mom blacks out, I can air all of my childhood grievances to her, explain how she’s the reason I’m emotionally dependent on my therapist and have no friends, and she won’t remember any of it in the morning! What a great way to relieve my psychological burden without severing my relationship to the only human on Earth who really knows and loves me. I’m so excited for spring break 2019!