There’s no need to go past 40th Street | We have decent wifi and plenty of coffee here

These days, students on campus often like to criticize the “Penn Bubble.” They say things like “go past 40th Street once in a while,” “try exploring our wonderful and historic city” and “stop eating Halo Top and get your lazy ass out of bed, Sophie!” But I’m here to tell you that staying inside of the Penn Bubble is not actually a bad thing. Yes, I’m serious — you should totally, definitely consider never going past 40th Street again.

Why? I’ll let you in on a little secret. Everything you could ever want or need can be found between 30th and 40th streets.

First, we have the basics.

For starters, air. Yeah, I know — the “bubble” sounds pretty constricting, but we haven’t run out of oxygen yet.

Furthermore, water. Thank God there are so many water fountains on campus. Yeah, for some reason they only deposit very lukewarm water, but at least it’s not from the tap. I pee like eleven times a day, and I feel awesome.

If you’re not convinced yet, food is yet another essential that can be found east of 40th Street! And we’re blessed — Penn is basically an international culinary hotspot. Mexican food? You can pick between Copa and Distrito. Feeling Italian? Um, hello? After you finish your happy hour at Copa, hop across the street to Allegro!

Next time someone tells you that you have no culture, just remind them that you ate breakfast at Pret A fucking Manger that morning. And don’t forget: Beijing, the literal capital of China, is right in the middle of our campus. It’s honestly amazing to know that you only have to walk a few blocks to try cuisines from all over the world! That being said, it’s kinda cold out … so maybe I’ll just stay in and Grubhub it tonight.

Moreover, there is additionally pretty okay Wi-Fi on campus that my parents pay for. I don’t know about you, but I have like three midterms this week, so I consider internet access a necessity. And AirPennNet usually almost always works — so long as I’m inside an academic building that’s not DRL. Does the Penn administration technically have complete access to my browsing history? Sure, but that’s what Google Incognito is for!

Finally, places to get coffee. Coffee shops are important for many reasons. First, more Wi-Fi. Second, no one should be making coffee at home, because I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that K-Cups are bad for the environment. Third, they make popular study spaces. People act like we have too many coffee shops on campus, but come on. If that were true, why is it always impossible to find a seat at Starbucks Under Commons, the Starbucks on 39th and Walnut and the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut? Oh, and also Saxbys, too! It's simple supply and demand, folks … think about it. Yeah, I took Econ 001.

Anyways, I hope I’ve shown you why you should never leave the Penn Bubble. You have everything you need here: air, water, food, wifi, and lastly, coffee. I’m definitely never planning on leaving. Well, at least until the summer — my internship’s in New York.