OP-ED: Yeah, We Can Be Exclusive, but Only Because I Haven't Figure out Housing This Summer

Fine, I’ll date you. I mean, you don’t have the dreamiest eyes, or the broadest shoulders, or the most defined cheekbones. You probably haven’t hit the gym in the past few weeks (or years), and you smell like cheesesteaks and clam chowder. I don’t particularly like your beat-up running shoes, or your rimless glasses, or that stupid porkpie hat you wear all the time. Your music taste sucks, you pronounce jalapeño with a hard "J," and your sense of humor is absolutely horrid.

But you have something I don’t. You’ve figured out housing this summer. And that makes you attractive. Dating you will give me a place to stay for the next few months, and that makes it worthwhile. I can ignore everything about you that pisses me off if that means I can have a roof over my head.

So sure, I’ll date you for two months. But when school starts again, I’m living in Rodin, which is a little far from where you’re staying. I really hope things work out, but I can’t promise they will. Please don’t be disappointed. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore, I just need some space. Okay? Cool. What’s your address again? The movers are coming this afternoon.