​Puke-Covered Leprechaun Was National Merit Scholar

Multiple sources are reporting that Kyle Berman (W ’21), the boy in a leprechaun costume slumped over in the corner of the party and soaked in his own vomit, was a National Merit Scholar in high school.

The boy was one of just 2500 students across the nation to receive a $2500 scholarship. He was selected as a Scholar by a panel of college admissions officers and high school counselors based on his exemplary PSAT/NMSQT® score, academic record, and community service participation.

Kyle is now lying against a fence in the backlot, alternating between vomiting and sleeping in a puddle of urine and beer.

At a ceremony in Kyle’s honor during his senior year of high school, the principal described him as a “caring, dedicated leader” with “exceptional promise.”

According to one witness, “he will probably have to throw that costume out.”