​OP-ED: Are My Roommates Russian Trolls? They All Keep Texting Me Saying I Smell Bad

It’s become undeniably clear that Russia had a massive influence on the 2016 election. Hackers infiltrated the DNC and social media trolls flooded the Internet with misinformation, all with the support of the Russian government.

In this day and age, we have to question everything. We can’t trust the media in this age of misinformation. With a foreign power meddling in our elections and fomenting distrust in our body politic, we must be vigilant.

I have found the latest instance of Russian cyberwarfare. And it’s happening on American soil.

For months, my roommates have sent me text messages regarding the odors emanating from my bedroom and body. But I have reason to believe these messages are coming from Russian operatives pretending to be my roommates, who actually love me and my smell.

These text messages allege that my habit of urinating and excreting into plastic bottles is unsanitary and disgusting. But my roommates know that I do this to save time in my busy schedule. This is just another one of Putin’s attempts to disrupt our way of life and foment disagreement among Americans.

Russian trolls are pretending to be my roommates and sending me fraudulent messages asking me to please dispose of my waste bottles. Are we just going to lie down and take it?

What happened to the America that fought for freedom and the right to poop and piss in bottles? What happened to the America that stood up for itself?