Econ 010 Lecture Is Just the Professor Saying 'Decentralized' Until the Entire Class Climaxes

Our best reporters here at UTB recently conducted an investigation into this spring's Econ 010 lecture. We had hoped to cover an exciting course that encapsulated Wharton and gave us new insight into Penn's pre-professional culture, but instead we found an unsettling, strangely erotic place shrouded in secrecy.

“The first lecture, I was a little nervous about how the teacher would be–like, you know, whether she would be interesting or boring. But she spent the entire class saying ‘decentralized’ in different tones until we all orgasmed,” Jake* (W ’21) told us. "It was unlike anything I've ever experienced." 

Indeed, every class after that was exactly the same. After ten lectures of just the word repeated over and over again, students began to get worried about what the midterm would entail. The teacher had scheduled the exam for late February, and the date steadily approached. 

But the midterm was just "decentralized" written in different fonts across ten pages. As long as students wrote their name, and "decentralized" on a blank space under a question that simply read ‘decentralized?’ they would receive an A.

“It’s crazy. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel like I’m really learning, you know?” said Jessica* (W ’21). “After we climax, which usually happens right before class ends, our professor passes around an ominous sheet of paper reminding us of the consequences of disseminating the contents of these lessons. We're not meant to be speaking of this. To anyone. Some of the consequences of speaking of the class include immediate expulsion and the surrender of all of our investments in cryptocurrency to our professor. She's kind of a genius...”

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of our sources.