Study Shows Even the Least Motivated Penn Students Will Run Tomorrow’s World

Earlier this week, Penn researchers announced the conclusion of a seminal, twenty-year, longitudinal study about the outcomes of Penn graduates.

The results?

Even students who "didn't really care about anything" in college ended up being pretty successful.

According to the study’s ‘Results’ section, “It apparently takes an almost supernatural dedication to shake off the benefits of an Ivy League education. While a fair number of Penn graduates were able to deftly avoid success, the vast majority found comfortable seats in the various pre-professional pipelines offered by the University. Especially finance and consulting.”

Just ask Sam Bolyn (C ‘08), one of the alumni tracked in this study.

“When I was at Penn,” he related to our reporter, “I majored in Anthropology because their classrooms were close to the Quad. And even then, I probably showed up to my anthro classes like 40% of the time. But now? I’m an associate partner at McKinsey! Yeah, I don't really know how it happened, either.”

If you’ve been feeling persistently mediocre lately, these results should give you some hope.

Bolyn did note afterwards, "My dad had some sick connections; that probably helped."