Family of Five Settles Down in DRL Courtyard

A family of five has recently started a new life in the courtyard within David Rittenhouse Laboratory.

The father, Bill Wallace, was recently let go from his investment firm. After he somehow hid this from his family for several months, they were all evicted from their home, beginning a search for a new place for Bill, his wife, and his three sons.

They searched all over the Greater Philadelphia area for an affordable place that could house them all, yet found nothing.

But when the oldest son Charlie was touring Penn and, for some reason, snuck off and found the DRL courtyard—he knew his life was about to change. The courtyard had everything his family needed: lawn furniture, protection from the elements, rotten wooden panelling, and, most importantly, complete vacancy.

“Yeah, we just kinda let them stay there to see what would happen, and they actually did,” said DRL’s building manager Eric Stone. “At first we thought it was a joke. Then, about a week later, they were still here and had begun cultivating local plants in small patches of dirt, making clothing out of the black roof liner, and crafting weapons and war paint from various pieces of trash scattered on the roof.”

“We just love it here,” said Janet Wallace. “It’s really started to feel like home. The kids can learn everything they need by spying on lectures through the windows, and Bill and I can easily get away from the kids by blindfolding ourselves and stepping into the wooden crate we constructed.”