​Embarrassing: This English Major Doesn't Turn to Poetry in Times of Crisis

Good luck explaining this one, Penn English Department. Silas MacDougal, a junior English major, recently went through a tough breakup with his boyfriend that led to a deeper existential crisis. And not once did he turn to poetry in his time of crisis.

As an English major, Silas should consider poetry to be a guiding light, a comfort, and a source of wisdom for his most trying times. So why didn’t he look for solace in poetry during his moments of despair?

Silas has reportedly told classmates and professors alike that poetry is his passion. He has even cited poets such as Emily Dickinson, W.B. Yeats, and Pablo Neruda as “his closest friends.”

But Silas did not open any books by these poets during his period of unhappiness, nor any other poet for that matter. He did not wallow in the miseries of dead writers whatsoever. Instead, he went to therapy, talked to friends, and exercised. Is that really the future we want for our students?

The English Department has to answer for this scandal. If English majors are not looking to poetry for answers in their moments of deep uncertainty, what is the point of books at all?