Girl Declares a 'Boat Race,' Chugs Glass of Wine Alone in Her Apartment

“Boat race!” Anna Michaels (C ‘19) exclaimed cheerfully last Tuesday night as she downed a glass of Barefoot Moscato alone in her apartment. “What’s better than a little friendly competition after a rough day of classes?” she said, pouring herself another glass.

Michaels explained she picked up this habit during a particularly tough academic semester. “I needed a way to take the edge off and just drinking alone seemed sad,” she said. “So now I drink to win—nothing sad about a winner.” 

She added, "When I actually have to go to real BYOs with other humans, I make sure to let everyone know that I am an undefeated champion. It usually intimidates folks enough that I can win from their weakened self-esteems. My self-esteem, on the other hand, is sky-high, my feriends. Oops sorry! I just won a boat race with myself sooso sorry if I slur my worlds!" 

“I tell my friends like, ‘Okay, Kerry good luck on your Econ midterm! Hope you get an A!!’—but in the end, what will they have to show for it? Me, on the other hand, I’ve never lost a boat race I’ve started. Try me.”