OP-ED: Listen up, I’m a Hipster — I Own a Penn Dad Shirt

Who would walk down Locust in a grey, Gildan-brand Penn dad shirt besides an actual student’s father? Me. I would.

Maybe you wouldn’t understand it, but hipsters like irony, and I am a hipster. This is how I SABS. When I walk past Frontera in my mom jeans, slick clogs, and that glorious shirt, I get a rush. Nobody gets me. The stares of confusion confirm that. I just have a heightened fashion sense that all of you Canada-Goose-wearing idiots could never understand.

How is wearing a Penn dad shirt ironic, you may ask? Um, hello. I’m a 19-year-old woman, not a father. If that’s not irony, I don’t know what is.

Sometimes I purposely spill coffee on the shirt to give it a more dad-like appearance, but I’m also not cosplaying as a dad. That would be silly, and I wouldn’t look cool. I obviously tie the shirt at the bottom so that it’s form fitting. Now that’s fashion!

I would also like to make a public service announcement. If you are not me, please do not buy Penn dad shirts. I told you that they were hipster-chic, and now you all probably want to hop on the cool train. Don’t be a poser. I am the only Penn dad allowed here.