Junior Boy Featured in 'My Strange Addiction' Ecstatic for Hey Day

Michael Coyle (C ’19) is just like any other junior. He spent the fall sweet talking recruiters in Saxbys, the winter feeding his blossoming alcoholism in order to cope with the stress of school, and the spring enjoying the sunshine on College Green.

However, Coyle has a secret that makes him different.

Coyle pesters the mailman each and every day for packages, in hopes of finding one with his name on it. No, not because care packages from his mother are that revolutionary, but because he longs for just a nibble of a single packing peanut to get him through the day. Coyle religiously takes home his leftovers from restaurants. No, not because he has budget-friendly practices as a young adult, but because his midnight snack will be the to-go box.

Coyle is a fiend for the white stuff. No, not cocaine like the rest of his classmates, but Styrofoam. In fact, he was recently featured on the hit TLC television show “My Strange Addiction,” in which his close friends and family called his habit “really fucking weird.” Regardless, Coyle continues to munch on Styrofoam at least once every three hours and 47 minutes, not caring who or what anyone thinks of his self-described “special treat.”

Coyle has been looking forward to Hey Day, or his “Thanksgiving dinner in the middle of April,” since he was a high school senior applying to Penn. “I have never been more excited for a day in my entire life. I wake up, and I think of taking a bite of my best friends’ hats. I eat lunch, and I think of taking a bite of my acquaintances’ hats. I go to bed, and I think of wholly devouring my entire hat in the comfort of my own apartment. I have been preparing my entire life for this,” Coyle explained, salivating.

Hide your Dunkin’ cups and hide your hats, because Coyle is coming for YOU this Hey Day.