'This Club's Actually Pretty Boring,' Scoffs Junior Who Applied 6 Times Before Getting In

Some students define themselves by the clubs they’re part of. Not so with Anna May (E ‘19). Upon entering Penn, she knew that the Squirrel Protection Society (SPS) would be her home for the four years to come.

But SPS didn’t agree. While most students might have been dissuaded after being rejected from a club once or twice, Anna braved a five-round interview process for six consecutive semesters until junior spring brought an end to her struggles.

But just two weeks into her membership, the cracks are beginning to show.

“I guess I expected more,” she muttered to our reporter, “All they do is sit around and make chattering noises.”

“It’s no big deal though,” added the junior who had spent three of the most productive years of her life crying over terse rejection emails, “it’s just another club.”

When we approached the SPS board for comment, they made some vague comments about “incisors too small” and a “nut allergy."