Host Shortage Forces 300 Prospective Freshmen to Sleep on College Green

College Green was covered in sleeping high school seniors Thursday night, as a lack of willing hosts forced Quaker Days attendees to embrace the great outdoors.

Dean of Admissions Eric Furda said he was dismayed by Penn students’ unwillingness to welcome accepted students.

“I expected our students to be not only willing but excited to share only their entirely positive, completely G-rated experiences at Penn with the next class,” he said. “Now, these poor kids have to sleep outside in the cold. And we couldn’t supply them with sleeping bags, because all our money is going to either Amy Gutmann’s vegetable collection or cool guest speakers for Wharton classes.”

College freshman Sheila Costas said she was one of the many students who didn't host this year.

“The more they sent me those emails, the less I wanted to host, to be honest,” she said. “Even though Furda is an absolute zaddy.”