Senior Gets MERT'd for the First Time At Their Last Penn BYO Ever

Rachael Serra (C '18) had never been MERT'd before. She survived her first Penn BYO with flying colors. She even helped carry other freshmen back to the Quad. No formal or frat party could ever take her down. Rachael was classy as all hell.

Over the past few weeks, however, it was beginning to dawn on Rachael that her time at Penn was coming to an end. When folks asked her about it she always said, "Ya know, I have mixed feelings. I think I'm ready to go, though. Move on to the next thing." Like so many people, she had a complicated relationship with Penn, one filled with resentment, stress, and an estranged sense of fondness. 

All of these emotions came to a head at the last BYO of her college career. Last Wednesday, she and her friends decided to go to Banana Leaf and do what Penn kids do best: cause a messy spectacle. The void of post-grad began to seep into the darkest corners of her soul as she munched on roti dipped in peanut sauce. To try to avoid her feelings, she called for boat-race after boat-race, swallowing cups of fermented juice water like a champ. 

Her trusty insides warned her, whispered "Hey Rach. You and I both know that you're nice and t'd now. You have passed your limit, friend. Let's go to Allegro, eat some bbq chicken pizza and then pass out on top of our covers fully clothed. We love that!" But, alas, she ignored her body, and kept drinking to try to make the void inside of her go away. 

Serra was MERT'd trying to enter the Quad for "nostalgia's sake." She forgot that a code for entering buildings was even a thing and proceeded to enter a 8-digit string of 2's and 5's. Shockingly, she wasn't alone. In a record-breaking incident, MERT had to come collect her and her entire group. 

Awaiting their ambulances, the group of seniors sat on the steps outside the Upper Quad Gates and contemplated the cruel passage of time and the gentle degradation of their livers.