Street Preacher Successfully Converts Two Tour Groups to Pentecostalism

In an unusual success for the itinerant fundamentalist, the street preacher stationed at College Hall has converted two entire Penn tour groups to Pentecostalism.

Often seen shouting obscenities and threatening women, the street preacher rarely persuades many students. However, two groups of prospective students touring Penn found his unique brand of radical Christianity and millennialism enticing enough to join his small fundamentalist cult.

The preacher himself was taken aback by his success. "Nobody has ever much paid attention to me," he said. "I guess I don't really expect success. I only made enough signs for me and my three wives."

Indeed, the number of crazed, screeching fundamentalist Christians in front Van Pelt has now swelled to over 30 pubescent high schoolers, each one shouting different sexist bible verses.

"I guess it just sort of spoke to me," said Ang Hershaw, a high school senior from Scarsdale, Arizona. "And also, I think it will make a great opening sentence to my Common App essay."