OP-ED: How Can You Say That I Don't Have a Personality When I'm Wearing These Cool Socks

First of all, how dare you. I just don't get how you could say such a rude thing to a guy wearing such cool socks. I'm not saying that by having impeccable style I should be impervious to criticism, but, ya know, respect the fibers on my feet. Also, haven’t you noticed my eccentric short-sleeved button up? C’mon, I’m not on a beach sipping margs, why am I wearing this sweet Hawaiian shirt! That’s a pretty dope personality trait if I do say so myself.

I mean, I get it, you’re entitled to your own opinion, even if that opinion is having negative feelings for a guy with such zany knitted footed wear. But I think I’ve got the right to defend all the things that make me such a fun person to hang out with. Like, for example, my brand new Nike Killshots, my nifty baseball cap, or my dope ass socks. Those are all really chill things that prove I’m a cool guys. And also I have cigarettes. Like, not on me, but I do smoke.

So basically if you could maybe relax a little and recognize that I’m actually a pretty cool guy, that’d be awesome. I know this party’s getting a bit heated so I think we should just light a bowl and put on some Radiohead. Oh yea, I totally forgot about the two other things that validate my personality, drugs and music. So ha! That’s some irrefutable proof that I’m a totally chill guy. Haters gonna hate.