Lonely Student at Penn Over the Summer BYOs Banana Leaf By Himself

Everyone gets lonely some times. This has been especially true for James Roberts (C '20), who has spent the past two and a half months of his life in a state of empty solitude.

Roberts, who decided to stay at Penn over the summer to do research, began to regret this decision after his first week. "I literally hadn't talked to a single person for an entire week." remarked Roberts. "Aside from the weird guy subletting my roommate's place who I occasionally nod at, I haven't had any human contact since everyone left." 

Missing the good ol' days with his beloved friends and frat bros, Roberts decided to take matters into his own hands. Walking into Banana Leaf at 8:30pm on a Thursday evening with a box of Franzia in both hands, Roberts hesitantly walked over to the podium of the confused greeter and muttered reluctantly, "table for one, please."

Spectators at Banana Leaf were shocked, dismayed, and utterly confused at Roberts' bewildering actions. One family of 4 reportedly witnessed him "slapping the bag by himself," and begging their 4 and 6-year old children to have a boat race with him. 

Though it remains unclear as to whether Roberts was able to return home safely after this raucous evening, we certainly hope that boxed wine and questionable Malaysian food served as a cure - even if somewhat temporary - to his feelings of isolation.