Uh Oh! New Pool Party Dress Code Excludes Jerseys, Crop Tops, and Privilege

As summer winds down and we get our last minute trips to the Hamptons and Ibiza out of the way, we prepare for the disgusting mess that is NSO. Juul pods? Check. Charged phone to send inevitable “You up?” texts at 6 pm? Check. Douchey outfit? Probably gotta rethink that one!

The Social Club of Expensive Nights, Etc., also known as the SCENE, released an announcement this afternoon detailing the recent update to the dress code for the biannual Pool Party.

The dress code states that, “under no circumstance are sports jerseys allowed in the vicinity. Please find hip, alternative ways to assert your stomach-churning masculinity. We have faith in you. Additionally, crop tops, rompers, and any item of clothing with a floral print or ruffles are not permitted in Bamboo Bar. Your desire to attend this party stems from following trends. Do more.” Wow, the SCENE is getting passive aggressive, but we’re here for it!

The most shocking and debilitating revision to the dress code, though, is the exclusion of privilege. Privilege “must be checked at the door, along with other water bottles you think you’re sneakily bringing in. If we see any Cartier Love bracelets or purposely mucked sneakers, you’re getting the boot. Also a smart idea to boot and rally while you’re at it.”

The fortunate Pool Party ticket holders are reportedly unsure how to exist in a group of hundreds without asserting just how fortunate their families are.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, followers of the SCENE, as you find a non-floral, privilege-free way of existing at Pool Party. We believe in you!