'I Just Like the Naked Pics,' Claims Frat Bro Passionate About Renaissance Art

Good fucking save bro. Anonymous sophomore Jack M* (name changed), a brother in Beta Omega Iota Zeta Fraternity (BOIZ) almost made a real blunder. After telling his brothers that he was going to the gym, Jack was seen by an informant at the Art Museum looking at Renaissance paintings. He had to think fast to come up with an appropriate explanation that wouldn’t make him look “weak” or “sensitive.” Quick on his feet, Jack came up with the perfect thing—he told his brothers that he just likes looking at the naked pics!

In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. “I really just love Renaissance Art,” Jack told us in confidence. “But my Brothers can never find out about my passion for art history. I would never hear the end of it and I don’t think I could take that shame. I’ve worked so hard to create this pretty douchey persona and I just can’t mess that up.” Jack shed a single tear, which was honestly very embarrassing and made us feel uncomfortable.

“Raphael is probably my favorite Renaissance artist, but it’s hard to say. I guess it sort of depends on my emotional state and how my week is going,” Jack told us, off the record. Wow, someone get this guy some testosterone!