Shocked Wharton Senior Fulfilling Humanities Requirement Hears First Ever Criticism of Capitalism

Josh Greenberg (W ’18) concentrates in Finance and Statistics and has taken a pretty typical course load so far: Advanced Corporate Finance for his major, Intro to Marketing (received a B- despite claiming it was “common sense” the entire semester), and a Gender Studies class just to pick up chicks. 

As Greenberg was choosing his classes for this semester, he suddenly remembered Wharton’s liberal arts curriculum he had wholly ignored for the past three years. He signed up for a Marxist theory course, because he kinda remembered that name being tossed around in a history class in high school.

When asked about his experience after the first class meeting, Greenberg’s breathing quickened, and beads of sweat became visible on his forehead. 

“I was sitting there among College plebs, expecting a bland lecture about shit I don’t need to know. Then I heard the words ‘capitalism,’ ‘bad,’ and ‘society,’ and my mental frenzy began. I just don’t get it. Since when do people not appreciate capitalism? Not everyone thinks that competition paves the way to success? There are people who don’t believe everyone has an equal, fair chance to establish dominance in the market? Since when?!”

At this point, Greenberg was soaked with sweat, hunched over, and flailing his limbs. “They’re wrong! My education has not been built on a mountain of lies! Prices... production... labor... capital... truth!” He weakly pulled out his phone, opened Canvas, and swiped through his old Econ 010 slides to regulate his heartbeat.

Greenberg dropped the class and picked up another Finance course. Who needs a well-rounded education anyway?