Man On Bicycle Ignores Red Light, Biking Through Hundreds of Pedestrians

Last Tuesday, at the crosswalk by the lower quad gates, a man on a bicycle ignored a red light and plowed through a crowd of pedestrians. 

The accident took place around 9am. Witnesses reported that the cyclist started accelerating immediately when the light turned red. The perpetrator, a 40-year old surgeon’s assistant, rides a single-speed bicycle three blocks to work every day.  

Bystanders heard him yell, “Oh wow, you guys really don’t get it!” and “Do you have any idea how many legal rights people on bicycles have?” as he swerved around pedestrians obeying the crosswalk sign.  

In a statement to UTB, the cyclist, who we have decided to anonymize, was adamant that he did nothing wrong.  

“When a bicyclist is on the road, we can do anything," he said. "If I see a red light at an intersection, I know I’m getting through it. Traffic laws don't apply. In fact, bicyclists don't have to obey any laws. We have something called 'legal immunity' that motorheads and bipedals will never understand.”  

The cyclist—who has broken over ninety Philadelphia street laws this past year—has been spotted biking through crowds of people all over Penn’s campus. He shows no sign of stopping, seeming to enjoy running lights and hitting the so-called "foot bitches."