First Canada Gooses Spotted on Campus! Is It That Cold or Is Everyone Dressed like a Douchebag for Halloween?

As this frigid October continues to prove that global warming is a left-wing hoax, students have been donning their winter coats especially early this year. But one designer winter coat seems to stand out above the rest on campus.

As spooky szn approaches, the amount of Canada Geese per student is hitting a critical mass, and one must wonder: is it really that cold? According to famed local weatherman Hurricane Schwartz, this Halloweekend is expected to be a brisk 60 or so degrees. It seems obvious then that the new hottest Halloween costume this year is simply wearing your favorite extreme weather outerwear.

Jamison Collins III (C ‘22), an enthusiastic Goose-wearer in his daily life, decided to slip on his Goose for Halloween as well. “I think it’s high time we make Halloween scary again. I’m sick of seeing kitty cats and cartoon characters every year. So I’m gonna wear the spookiest costume yet: I’m dressing like an elitist prep school boy.”

Theodore West (W ‘20) initially considered some other costume ideas before finally settling on just wearing his Canada Goose all week. “At first I was like maybe I’ll dress as a poor person, you know. I’d wear like a North Face jacket, maybe get my boots from one of those shitty department stores like Macy’s. But then I was like, nah, what if Goldmans sees me looking like that? So I fell back into my pocket and pulled out my sweet new Goose. I’d like to think I’m going as a member of the middle class.”

Even as Canada Geese are as popular as ever, some students doubt that it will be the go-to Halloween costume for long. Vanessa Bowles (C ‘20) has already started planning out her costume for 2019. “I just like to think ahead. I was thinking a mummy or something. You know, really bring Halloween back to its roots. But as an added twist, I’m going to replace the toilet paper with $100 bills. I have to stand out somehow."