Man Crosses One Lane Of Street Before Crossing Sign Illuminates, Describes Living Life 2 Whole Seconds Ahead Of Peers

According to Wharton sophomore and self-proclaimed economic philosopher Chad Peters, time is the world’s scarcest resource. For those busy souls like Peters, waiting a full 30 seconds for the light to change before crossing the street is simply not an option.

According to Peters, “Traffic laws are socialist, man. The government thinks they can control us with those stupid red and green lights? I think not. Fight the power.”

Eyewitness accounts describe Peters waiting only for the nearest lane of traffic to clear before shuffling, arms straight and at his sides, to the middle island of the cross walk. This simple power move has saved Peters an estimated three whole minutes throughout his Penn career. 

Peters takes pride in his habit. “As if saving time wasn’t enough, crossing half the street is an energizing experience. Going to sleep at a reasonable time is a waste of time, but so is getting coffee before your 9am," he explained. "People don’t realize, but there’s nothing like the quick rush of honking cars driving ten inches away from your body to get you going in the morning.” 

Or, in the words of a disgruntled Penn bus driver, “Yeah… I think I definitely almost killed that guy the other day.” 

Peters occasionally finds that it is difficult to socialize existing in a different temporal trajectory from his peers. A classmate, recounting her experience with Peters, said, “I ran into him on the way to class once and was forced to make small talk, but we got to the cross walk and he just bolted into the street! He might as well have time traveled. It was considerate in the most inconsiderate way possible.” 

Before we could ask whether he would consider waking up five minutes earlier instead of causing a metropolitan traffic jam, Peters had already skedaddled away. Into the street, and into the future.