Shocking Investigation: Huntsman Becomes Dominatrix Sex Dungeon After 2AM

In a recent investigation by Under the Button dot com, it was discovered that famed innocence-corrupter and Zion of capitalist ensnarement John M. Huntsman Hall becomes a dominatrix sex dungeon after 2 a.m., which was recently announced as the building’s new closing time.  

We observed Huntsman’s entrance nightly for several days, and snuck inside for a closer look earlier this week.  What we saw was both shocking and exciting—hordes of scantily clad men and women parading into the building in sheer black leather trench coats and studded chokers.  They would enter the building, get ready in designated GSRs, then proceed to the forum and various lecture halls, where subtle purple and blue lighting had taken the place of the standard Huntsman luminescence.  

Also in the forum were various dominatrix toys, such as chains, blindfolds, and feeding troughs. Clients would pay at the Walnut entrance to the building, with a $400/hr flat rate.  After their purchased time, they’d leave the building where they came in, usually looking disheveled and—understandably—dominated.  

Spotted among the clients were various Penn faculty members, who understandably requested to remain anonymous.  In the nature of full disclosure, however, we will provide these individuals’ names, along with the exact sexual acts performed upon them, to any willing reader.  

Though shocking, this move makes sense for Penn. It is estimated that it will rake in an additional fifty million dollars a year for Wharton—a big gain compared to the use of the space as a study area.