Embarrassing: Over Half of Penn English Majors Can’t Spell 'Schuylkill'

A recent survey conducted by the Penn English Department found that over half of their undergraduate majors could not spell “Schuylkill,” a finding which calls into question the quality of education English majors receive at the school.

Described by Wikipedia as an “important river,” the Schuykill feeds into the Delaware as one of its largest tributaries. Apparently, this critical geographic fact is not taught in the English Department.

Majors could spell difficult words such as “conscience” and “barista,” but were completely dumbfounded when asked about the Skuylkill, the second largest of two rivers in Philadelphia. Students from Berkeley and UChicago, schools ranked above Penn in English, could spell all of the top rivers in their respective states. 

“Why is this important?” Asked an English major apparently too special to care about a Pennsylvania Scenic River.

As Penn drops in the college rankings, the administration should consider just how well their students are being trained for life (which would not be possible in Southeastern Pennsylvania without the majestic Skookill River).