New Metal Water Bottle Replaces Previous Metal Water Bottle As Crucial Indicator Of Taste And Wealth

In front of a crowd of status-conscious, affluent witnesses, the Hydro Flask officially replaced the S’Well bottle as a completely necessary symbol of social worth.

Despite the wide availability of perfectly useful, suitable water bottles for low prices, sources indicate that the Hydro Flask received the imprimatur of “the cool water bottle.”

At press time, swarms of insecure water drinkers were seen dumping S’Well bottles out of their Tumi backpacks into the river.