Penn Announces Plan to Replace All University City Restaurants with Overpriced 'Bowl' Places

Penn plans to convert all restaurants on and around campus to trendy, overpriced “bowl” places, Penn Hospitality Services announced on Wednesday. 

"While Penn is already the far-and-away leader in campus bowl places, it will not stop until every food establishment serves bowls comprised of a starch, a sauce, vegetables, and a protein source,” read the announcement. 

The decision came after months of petitions and protests by Penn students demanding more bowls. 

Wharton freshman Elise Alston, creator of the petition entitled “Give us bowls or give us DEATH,” which amassed ten thousand signatures, said that getting more pseudo-healthy $10 bowls should be Penn’s top priority.

“They’re spending money on things that don’t matter, like air conditioning and financial aid,” Alston said. “What we really need is more instagram-able stir fries.”