Anxious Chemistry Professor Single-Handedly Drains Entire Department Chalk Budget

According to her colleagues, Dr. Caroline Jameston is the right hand of Penn’s chemistry department. Unfortunately, her colleagues would also note that Dr. Jameston’s right hand “will probably bankrupt us in a few years.”

“I don’t get it,” noted one of her students, who wishes to remain anonymous, “she’s brilliant, she explains everything so clearly, but from the way she lectures you’d think a blackboard chalk cartel kidnapped her grandma or something.”

“It’s uncanny,” they continued. “She can hold a whole lecture hall to rapt attention but she can’t hold a piece of chalk for more than five minutes without ruining it.”

We spoke with Dr. Jameston to find out more.

“Sometimes I get kind of carried away,” she sighed. “It was all well and good for the first few years but now the academic office wants my head for using up all our supplies money.”

The interview was cut short when our reporter suffered a debilitating asthma attack from the overwhelming amount of chalk dust in the air. We at UTB would like to offer our condolences to the chemistry department, and perhaps suggest a switch to whiteboards.