Student Planning to Take 8 C.U. Rescued By Administration, Now Only Taking 7.5

Alex Sanson (E ’20) doesn’t know when to stop. This deranged triple major has run amuck on the PennInTouch course selection page, slurping up courses like a tactless warthog at a buffet.

But the madness ends today. With Penn’s announcement of a hard 7.5 c.u. semester course limit, rabid dogs like Sanson will be kept safe from their own ambitions. 

“I came to Penn because I wanted to make the most of my opportunities,” said the odd, sick creature. “And I found that I could handle eight courses. Sure, I may not have had as much time for extracurriculars or a social life, but each and every one of those classes changed the way I think. I couldn’t imagine dropping any of them.”

Due to the administration’s heroic policy changes, desiccated husks like Sanson will be healed.

“It’s not like I feel crippling loneliness because all of my friends are in a cappella groups and I’m not,” he grumbled. "We just have different life priorities. Chill.”

Now taking 7.5 c.u. a semester, Alex may find some semblance of normalcy in his sad, tortured life.