5 Supplemental Vitamins That Say 'I Am Slowly Deteriorating'

Autumn is here, and you know what that means: pumpkin spice, potpourri, and fresh outbreaks of hand foot and mouth disease. Here at Penn we live in more of a petri dish than a melting pot, and so as you slowly fall apart this October and November, check out these 5 supplemental vitamins whose sole function is to keep you operating at a basic human level. 

1. Biotin:

This righteous combination of chemicals is meant to help your body strengthen it’s hair and nails, because, let's be honest, your dad went bald in what, his 30s?

2. Fiber

Coming to Penn you’re probably used to being #1, but that doesn’t mean you should let #2 fall behind. As much as we all love a good spicy bowl, your spicy bowels probably don’t love you back. Pop a few of these bad boys with your morning coffee, and trust us, your toilet will be thanking you. 

3. B12

Nope, we’re not talking about The B-52s, though both of these things are something your father probably knows a lot about. B12 helps keep your blood cells healthy and prevents anemia, which causes chronic fatigue. Sound familiar? Next time you feel a tired after pulling an all nighter, walk right past Saxby’s and into CVS. It’s probably like over-the-counter Adderall.

4. Krill Oil

Watch out, alternative milks: the fourth quarter of 2018 is here and telling us to buy more alternative oils. While your grandpa’s fish oil is a perfect source of Omega-3 Fatty Acids, some marketing wonks are probably getting ready to roll out an ad campaign about how krill oil has “Omega-3 Thiccy Acids.” Hey, we’ll still probably buy it. 

5. Vitamin C

It’s flu season, you’re spending all sunlit hours in VP, and lets be real, the only time you eat an orange is when you "treat yourself" at Chez Jasmine (see: weekly). Thank God, then, for Vitamin C. By supplementing poor life choices for what could easily pass as Kraft mac and cheese mix in a water bottle, you’re telling life, "Emergen-C actually doesn't taste that bad."