Tasty! Three Recipes to Make the Most of the Mold in Your Dorm Room

It’s hot, wet, and moist in the City of Brotherly Love, which means that it’s everyone’s favorite time of year: mold season! Although suspicious yellow fluids are leaking from your ceiling and everything in your room is inexplicably damp, that lush, succulent mold festooning your walls more than makes up for it. It’s a chef’s dream to work in such close proximity to an exotic and flavorful ingredient, and we've compiled a list of our favorite recipes involving everyone’s favorite seasoning. Let’s get cooking!

1. Eat it Raw

That’s right, no preparation necessary! Mold is a savory snack all on its own, and one cannot consider themselves a true gourmand until they’ve indulged in this sinful, dewey treat. All you have to do is grab the nearest chair, reach for the ceiling, and shave off the outer crust of your freshest mold cluster. Now that the tip of your finger is coronated with a crown of mold, slip it into your mouth and enjoy the most delicious Cheeto dust you’ve ever tasted. 

If you want a more pure experience, grab an even higher chair and lick the mold directly. This brings out the mold's natural texture and adds another dimension to your tasting experience. 

2. Drink It

So you just got started on a new cleanse. You’re juicing—drinking enough water to satisfy a small country. Suddenly, your body is consumed with a desire that only an all-natural smoothie can soothe. Feeling naughty (after all, you already had your teaspoon of orange juice today), you walk over to the fruit bar at Hill Dining Hall and fix your eyes on the object of your desire: a rich, earthy kale smoothie. Your knees weak with anticipation, you grasp the cup in your clammy hands and bring it to your lips. 

As you down every last drop of your juice, you smack your lips with satisfaction. The kale was the freshest you've ever tasted, and you crave more. However, what you tasted was not kale but the latest crop of mold, harvested fresh that morning from the Quad. And it was great: you couldn’t even notice the difference because a cup of leaf juice isn’t too far removed from a cup of mold-flavored water.

3. Eat at McClelland 

Sometimes you’re coming home from a long, dreary night at Van Pelt and just don’t have the energy to make your own delectable mold-snack. Never fear, because Penn Dining has you covered. McClelland, open late, has a variety of scrumptious options, and each comes with complementary mold seasoning. You’ll never have to worry about satisfying your mold cravings ever again!