Senior Blows ‘Signing Bonus’ in Vegas, Has Not Yet Landed Any First Round Interviews

Senior Bryn Williamson had the fall break of her life. She’s only had three other fall breaks and they were all going home to the Main Line, but this one was definitely the best. Williamson and 150 of her closest friends in the top 1% followed in the footsteps of their elders and made the pilgrimage to Sin City.

After four days in Las Vegas, Williamson had emptied her wallet buying weak drinks and lavish meals that were over-documented on her Snapchat, but she wasn’t at all concerned.

“I got money to blow, baby! My signing bonus paid for the weekend’s wheelin’ and dealin’. I love employment,” said Williamson, despite not yet being invited for a first round interview for any of the jobs she’s applied to.

“You know what tastes sweet? This margarita and the feeling of adulthood, woo!” continued Williamson at a midday (cess)pool party as dozens of job rejection emails calmly sat in her inbox. 

When confronted about her lack of job offers, Williamson shrugged it off and simply said that “it’ll all balance out” before stumbling back to the bar as her overly complex bikini flapped in the wind.