Junior Begins Lonely Trek to 4th Floor of Van Pelt So He Can Shit in Solitude

Just moments ago, George Henchey (C '20) bid his friends adieu, trusting them to watch over his backpack as if it were their own, and set off on the long and lonely trip to the 4th floor of Van Pelt. Where was he going? Henchey was off to drop a deuce without some stressed out and probably blocked-up student taking a shit just three feet away from him in the next stall over.

Friends report Henchey telling them, “Yeah, I can tell this one’s gonna be weird,” before grabbing his phone and headphones to drown out the crushing loneliness of the stacks. His friends miss him dearly in his extended departure, but they support his decision to get some privacy before what all signs and previous dietary choices suggest is going to be an especially noisy shit. There are some things a man must do on his own.