Commons Replaces All Plates with Zoo-Pals, Still Runs Out

In a desperate attempt to distract from the dismal health rating of Penn Dining, University officials announced this morning that the Class of 1920 Commons Dining Hall would be replacing all ceramic plates with Zoo-Pals. Zoo-Pals, the beloved paper plates that double as friends, pair perfectly with the sophisticated, sometimes-good cuisine served up at Commons.

“We wanted students to feel like they were six again because the only edible food we serve are the chicken fingers,” said one University Official.

Indeed, student response has been great. Oinks, Ribbets, and Woofs were heard echoing from the bathroom.

However, after only 23 minutes of service, Commons ran out of Zoo-Pals. When informed that the product was discontinued in the 2000s and that Penn had bought up the last supply of Zoo-Pals in the known universe, University officials declined to comment. 

Most recently, protesters were seen outside of Commons trying to convince the Gutmann Administration to divest from big paper.