Our Date Was Going so Well, Until He Had to Get Extra White Sauce

I thought I had this one in the bag. James was the one. Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck. The issue was on Sundays there’s only one kind of food truck desperate enough to remain open. Halal.

Look, I have no inherent problem with halal truck food. Sometimes you forget to eat for 3 days and need to shovel 9,000 calories of food into your mouth in one sitting. It’s totally reasonable. But god dammit James, did you really have to get extra white sauce?

I’ll never forget your order, not in a million years. First came the basics: chicken and lamb over rice, an acceptable starting point. But when the Halal guy asked you “salad everything?” you said “no salad nothing.” Would a couple shreds of lettuce and an overripe slice of tomato really kill you, James?

That wasn’t all though. I could live with that order. But when he pulled out that giant bottle of mysterious white liquid, I saw you lick your lips. He drenched your meal in white sauce and presented it to you. “Is this good?” No it wasn’t. You asked for extra and even after your food was completely lost in the sauce, you still pointed out one morsel of lamb that wasn’t completely drowning in sauce. The halal guy obliged.

He put your meal in a bag and as customary told you to pick a drink. Of course, you grabbed a Dr. Pepper to wash down your styrofoam container of white sauce. So we sat down on Locust Walk to eat. I reached into my bag and whipped out my bottle of soylent. I’ll consider a second date.